You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We were destined to go to rehab together
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
