I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize