somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
