last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
