The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
