I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
