his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
