you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
