Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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