Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
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I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
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Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
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