I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
