I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
