I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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