this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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