I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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