She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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