well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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