I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
