Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
