We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
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Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
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Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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