Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
