So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
