I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
