ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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