Already got asked if we're dating
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
