sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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