You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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