Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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