I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
