My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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