69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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