I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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