Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
