just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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