Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
