i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
