I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
