Where did you get a picture of my penis
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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