What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize