it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
