I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
