i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
