I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I didn't shave. On purpose
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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