My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
