she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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