I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
