do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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