I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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