That's when you crack a 10am beer
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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