Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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