He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
