Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
