I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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