Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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