Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
