he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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