Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
