the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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