i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
