Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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