If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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