Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
pray to the hookup gods
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
