i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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