You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
