I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize