my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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