Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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