Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
