It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
