I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
