his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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