i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Vodka?
Forever.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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