It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
