my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize