i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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