Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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