When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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