i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
