Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
