So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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